My heart is in Iraq

New blog

2007-02-10T19:13:00.000-06:00

I finally made my new blog, I was really getting sick of looking at this one, hopefully this one won't annoy me too quickly. Here's the link..this is where I will be from now on....
http://courtneythearmywife.blogspot.com/. AND I put flickr on there so everyone can see my dress and stuff.

I am still alive

2007-01-07T19:33:00.000-06:00

Ok so I didn't fall off the face of the planet. I have been preoccupied by DANNY!!! He left today to go back to Fort Hood. It was a pretty easy goodbye. I mean I miss him but hell, he is in TEXAS. That is such an improvement. Soon I am going to be switching blogs I will be making one more appropriate for where I am in life right now. Which is PLANNING A WEDDING! I have about 5 months left. I am so excited. Everything is moving so fast. Christmas was great Danny got me an ipod nano and the one thing I had been hinting about for about a year.....Diamond earrings. They are 1/3 carat each and absolutely gorgeous. All my sisters were jealous and my dad was impressed so it is good all the way around. Hee hee. Oh and my parents decided to buy a house and we are moving. Which kinda sucks cuz that's means I will be moving twice in 5 months. I might just live out of boxes for a bit. School is starting soon. I am only taking anatomy and physiology 1 and the lab for that and orchestra this semester so that I have time to plan the wedding. Well that's all I have for now I will update soon again. LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

HE'S HOME!!!

2006-12-07T12:28:00.000-06:00

Ok so I actually got home on Sunday night but I had to jump into finals immediately. So now is my time to tell everyone how it went. Well on Friday I finally heard from Danny and found out that he would be coming in at about 8. So at about 6:30 we were getting ready to go and I was driving everyone crazy because I was counting down the minutes. I kept screaming "I AM SOO EXCITED!!!!" I couldn't take it. So we get to the base (my first time on Fort Hood) and we needed to get out our IDs and it turns out that my dad's drivers license had expired. So they were saying he couldn't get on, I didn't know what we were going to do, because we all rode there together. We explained that we were just picking up our soldier and so on and so forth and the guy at the guy was like "Well.." and just as I was about to scream something like "OH COME ON, BE AN AMERICAN!!!!" he said he would let us on, but first we had to go to the welcome center and get a pass. By this time it was 7. I was still calm but getting nervous about the time. We get to the welcome center and of course there are a billion people there. Ok ok so I started getting more and more nervous. And on top of that we had to go back to that specific gate so that that guy would let us in. So finally we get the pass after waiting for a half hour, then we get to the gym. I am feeling better and getting more and more excited. So finally they announce that "THE BUSES ARE ON THERE WAY!!!" I started really freaking out. I was soo excited. So then there they were, a fog machine was turned on and they came running in. I was looking and looking and I didn't see Danny, I thought maybe I just missed him. I turned around and said to his parents, "Did you see him" they were like no. Well once they were dismissed I was realizing he really wasn't there. I was crushed. I started getting teary eyed and was getting really upset. So I reach into my purse and grab my phone to text him and ask where he was, but when I picked up my phone I saw that he had just sent me two text messages. One said "The plane landed YAY" and the other said "I am on the bus headed your way" I was soo excited. But now I had front row seats because all the wives from the previous guys left. So finally they were running in and I saw him. I screamed his name but he didn't hear me as he ran past. I couldn't sit still, and finally when they were dismissed I ran out onto the floor to find him and he was looking for me. He saw my parents in the bleachers and they pointed him to where I was, then at that second we both looked at each other, we were like 6 feet apart, I screamed his name and ran to him. He picked me up and spun me around, and hugged. It was just like a movie. It was the most amazing thing ever. It was perfect in every way. So after that we went out to eat and I was glued to his side. That night we stayed up together til 6 AM Saturday morning. I had so much fun. And since I have been back in Missouri, we have been staying on the phone all night long. It is so much fun. I am so happy right now. Sigh.

Almost there......

2006-11-30T15:17:00.000-06:00

Ok so you won't believe where I am right now...... KILLEEN, TEXAS, HOME OF FORT HOOD!!!!! I am so excited I can't contain it. I have waited soo long to type this post. Danny is coming in tomorrow, I hope, right now I have no idea where he is. I was hoping to hear from him today. I would like to thank all of you ladies from the bottom of my heart. I couldn't have made it this year without you. I never imagined that I would grow so close to women that I have never met. You ladies are incredible, strong, supportive, and wonderful listeners. We have created a support system that I never thought would be this strong. I really do consider you ladies my friends. I find myself talking to other people about you and I share your ups and downs. You understand what and how I feel and you make me feel a little more sane about some of my feelings. I am so sorry that I didn't post before I left, we actually left on Wednesday at like 10 PM and arrived at our hotel at 1 PM on Thurday (so basically about 2 hours ago), we were just going to leave on Thursday at like 6 AM but there was going to be ice and snow in Missouri so we left the night before. We drove through the night and now here we are. I am sitting in my hotel room with my parents snoring in the next bed (my dad drove through the night) and my future in laws a few rooms down also napping (Danny's dad was the official navigator) I am going to go nuts. I want him to be here now. Everywhere I turn I see a guy in camo. It is killing me. Less than 24 hours to go hopefully. Man, can I wait that long? Hahaha. I want all of you to know that I am not going to leave blogger. I still have quite a lot to do. I am getting married in 6 months, and moving to where I am right now. Killeen. Hmm... I hope I like it here. I saw they have an Olive Garden so I think I will be ok :) Ok well I am going to go attempt to do some homework before we go out to dinner tonight. WISH ME LUCK!!! You probably won't hear from me again until after I come home then I will have pictures and all that good stuff. YAY!!!!!!!!!

Last one

2006-11-21T00:34:00.000-06:00

Ok so first I must say... I PICKED OUT BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES!! I am sooo excited. This has been the most challenging part of my wedding so far, because my bridesmaids come in a variety of shapes and sizes. But the other day, I went back into David's Bridal and I saw it, the perfect dress. A bright light shone around it and I could hear the Hallelujah Chorus. It was amazing. It was cosmic. No, it was all God. I am sooo happy. So then came the real test. How did it look on the girls. Well, I took someone's advice which was dress the hardest girl and it'll look good on everyone else. IT LOOKED AMAZING ON HER!!! I will post pictures soon. But now for the real news.
Danny's last mission is today and probably starting soon. And let me say that although I am soooo excited. I have never been so nervous. I just keep thinking, man we have come this far, what would I do if the unthinkable happened. With the end in sight, taunting me. I couldn't take it. I wouldn't know what to do. But I need to stop thinking that way. I really really do. I have 10 awful days left. I am leaving for Texas on the 30th and I am soo excited. I will have time off work. YES!!! Haha, oh and I get to see Danny. Just kidding. But anyway, it is almost 1 AM and I have to start a paper for tomorrow. Haha, I hate school. C'est la vie. (two years of french, blah).

Updates Updates.

2006-11-10T23:05:00.000-06:00

Ok sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Danny and I have been having some problems, but I think we are going to be fine. It's been rough but all in all we'll be ok. I am getting more and more anxious about his homecoming. I just want this whole thing to be over. Even thought I have been mad at him, I still miss him soo much. I am so happy that Courtney and Charla's guys are home. CONGRATS GIRLS!!! I am so excited for this semester to be almost over. I can't wait for Thanksgiving break. I need to do some deep cleaning of my room and organizing. BLAH!! I am not excited but I know I will feel a whole lot better when it is done. Since I will be moving to Texas, I need to get rid of all my "junk". Right now I am supposed to be doing my chemistry homework. But I'll be honest. I HATE CHEMISTRY!!! A lot, I mean really, it sucks. Other than that, I feel like sitting on my butt, watching "Chicago", and going to bed on time (meaning before 1 AM). Oh and something funny that will enjoy that I am personally proud of....there were some dumb kids honking their horn outside my house over and over again. I thought they would just pull away but they stayed on my street honking, I thought maybe it is one of my little sister's dumb friends, so I stepped outside but it wasn't a car I recognized. They were in front of my neighbor's house yelling something out the window. Finally like a complete hoosier I yelled "STOP HONKING YOUR HORN!!!!!" I can inside and laughed because it was definately 10:30 at night and I am yelling out my front door. It was awesome. They sped off and I didn't hear honking for the rest of the night. Well, that's my story hope it made you smile.

When will it end??

2006-10-31T00:18:00.000-06:00

Ok so today was just one of those days. It really didn't even start until I got home from work but once I did I sat down on the couch (instead of starting the homework that I needed to do) and finished the movie my lil sis had started. I don't even know the name of it, but of course the end has some love scene, the guy grabs the girl, the passionate kiss, the music swells, you know the drill. I have been able to do ok with some of those movies but today it got me. I started to cry. I am so frustrated, the end is within reach but not really. I have about a month left and it is taking TOO LONG!!! Time has never seemed to go so slow. After the movie I went and met my friend Julie at Sonic where we got food then drove to the Target parking lot to eat it and talk. Don't ask why we went to Target to eat it but we did. Afterward I was driving home and I heard this song by Kenny Chesney "You Saved Me", once again my eyes started to tear up. I don't really know how relevant that song is to Danny and I but it is really just the fact that I have no idea what I would do if something happened to him, or where I would be without him. My whole life and everything I do and the decisions I make are based on our future together. But of course I didn't change the station, then wouldn't you know it some other song came on immediately afterward, I mean really, it was the next song, and it is about a soldier that had just come back from war and how someone said he was different and he explained that he came from a land where everyone hated him and his friends were dying and no one cared. Also a tear jerker for me at this time. DAMN COUNTRY SONGS!!!! I mean I love it but come on people, give a poor girl a break. So right now I am forced to ask...When will it end?? How much longer really?? Is it going to continue to be this hard at the end?? I can't handle the frustration. I have been missing Danny so much lately, and I have been talking to him more than usual. He has had more free time so he can call me more than once a month. You think that would make it easier and I wouldn't be missing him so bad, but it doesn't. It used to do the trick, I would hear from him and I would be ok for a bit, but now it's not good enough. I want a hug, I want a kiss, cuddling, movie watching, talking face to face. Those are the things I want. I miss how clueless he is to what I want, how messy he is when he eats, how cute he is when he sleeps, I even miss goofy grin he gets when he has successfully pissed me off. I miss it all. Sigh. Why can't it just be over now?

Almost there....

2006-10-24T23:08:00.000-05:00

Ok so I am definately getting anxious. And as of now Danny has to stay in Texas for the 4 day leave when he gets home. At first I was soooo stressed about that because I can't miss school. But eventually, I just got over it. I am fine. JUST KEEP BREATHING, is what I keep telling myself. Which is actually a big deal for me, because I tend to stress out so easily. But right now, I have so much stress in my life that any additional is just cause for laughter. So lately, I have been laughing my butt off. I am so happy for Michelle (Until He Comes Home), her hubby just got home. I remember when Danny first left it seemed like everyone's men were coming home. I was sooo happy and incredibly jealous at the same time. But now it is MY TURN, and how funny cuz it seems like so many other peoples guys are coming home. YAY US!! We have all almost made it!!!!!

News

2006-10-18T21:55:00.000-05:00

Ok well as you all can see the days are getting fewer in number until I see Danny again and I can't wait. But along with this joyful occasion of seeing each other again unfortunately comes stress. See I am living in Missouri where we both grew up. My parents and his parents are very strict and although I am an ADULT I can't go down to Texas alone. Now his parents want to go too to see him when he comes home and I understand that. But they want to fly down on Dec. 1. Which is the day he is coming home. They only get a few days off so they can't go down earlier. 1: I can't really afford a plane ticket because of my lovely new car, 2: If we fly in on Dec. 1 we might miss the ceremony and I don't want to miss that. So now my dad and I are going to drive down there the night before so we won't miss the ceremony. Now I love my dad with all my heart and I appreciate him going with me, but that is one more person that I have to share my Danny time with. I am not thrilled about that. Danny is only getting a 3 day pass then he has to go back to work, then later he will get a month off to come home (Missouri). Oh and to top it all off, Danny's parents are only talking to my parents about it. They don't make plans with me. HELLO!!! I am going to be his WIFE. And I am plenty capable of understanding plans. Give me a break. GRRRR. So then the plan changed to his parents would fly down there and my dad and I would drive, we would pick him up, his parents would fly home and he would ride home with my dad and I. Now this plan I liked, because I wouldn't have to miss my Saturday class, and I would have time with him in the car (not alone time cuz my dad is there but we will kind of be alone) and we will get more time alone if he is home because we usually stay up after his parents go to bed. But now the plans have changed again and we are all renting a van and driving down there together. We will leave late at night on the 31st and drive all through the night. I am going to look awful because I will be cooped up in a car for 14 hours. I want to be soo cute when I first see him. Well anyway, if we stay in Texas, Danny and I will never be alone. And I hate that idea. I waited for him to come home just as long as anybody else. I am the one that emails him everyday, I am the one that blows lots of money on packages, but whatever. I keep trying to tell myself that nothing matters as long as I get to see him. But I am not convinced. Oh and keep in mind that all of these changes in the plan aren't really being run by me in any way. I have to keep asking if we know what is going on yet. MY DAD IS THE ONE THAT KNOWS THE PLANS!!! My dad???? Come on, I feel so underminded. Now one thing that you should know about me is that I like to have things planned out WAY in advance, I get stressed out otherwise, so you can imagine how much this is killing me. Oh wait there's more.
This whole Texas thing brings up the fact that there is a military ball in April that Danny really wants me to go to. And I want to go too. I haven't met any of his friends or their wives, and I would like to considering I am going to be moving down there. Now April is 2 months before my wedding. And see, like I said my parents are strict. In April I will be 20 and they most likely are not going to let me go down by myself. Now who in their right mind would want to go with me? They won't be going to the ball that's for sure so why have someone else come. The answer: Danny and I must be supervised. Ever since Danny and I have been together I have never been to Texas because of that reason. I wasn't even allowed to go to college down there. Now don't get me wrong I love my parents very much and Danny's parents are actually the same way and I love them too but do they really need to be that strict when we are engaged and it is two months before the wedding???
Speaking of weddings my planning has kind of flatlined lately. I really should work on it but I don't have a whole lot of time. Recently I became so frustrated about mine. See, there are so many politics involved, meaning, people that should be in it, people that are that you don't want anymore (but that one is fixed), stuff like that. For a while I was to the point where I just wanted to marry him. I don't need a really big wedding, I just want Danny, that's all. I am trying to get over that feeling, but it is hard sometimes. School has been keeping me really busy lately but I am doing ok I guess. I hate chemistry with all my heart. Harsh I know but really I don't like it at all. Ummm, let's see what else is new. Hmmm... Ok well I guess nothing else is really going on.
Oh I almost forgot. How could I forget this??? I found out on Sunday that Danny is going back to Iraq in 2008. Now this was my biggest fear because at that point I will be in Texas, away from all of my family. He wants me to move home while he is gone but I said I can't. See I will probably be in the middle of school or have a job by then. But I guess we will see. I really really don't want him to have to go again. This will be his third deployment. I don't know what I will do when that happens. :( I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I am focused on the fact that I am going to see Danny in 44 DAYS!!!!! YAY!!!!

Hmm

2006-10-05T23:06:00.000-05:00

So instead of starting on that sociology paper that I know is due tomorrow for my mid term, or even studying for the midterm itself, I am fooling around on the computer. Go figure. I mean...that is so unlike me :) Anyway, I got home from work just an hour ago and I don't feel like jumping into my homework. Oh so good news. I got a 95% on my paper. YAY!! That is the first paper with that teacher so I was nervous. I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW!! I need to get a hair cut, go shopping for baby shower stuff, birthday stuff, clothes for me, and I want a pedicure. So the next day I have off (Lord knows when that is) I am going to spoil myself, not only will I go shopping, but I will sit on my butt and enjoy every minute of it. I am going to have to be careful though because I have car payments. MAN!! Anyway, I guess I will do some homework. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Do you see?????

2006-10-02T22:27:00.000-05:00

My countdown has officially begun. YAY!!! 60 days. I can hardly believe it. The end is really in sight. This year really has gone by fast. I had some rough times, but I hung in there and now it is practically over. Granted the end has proven itself to be the hardest so far but hey I can do it. HOOAH!!! As long as I keep breathing and keep a smile on my face whether it be real or as fake as Michael Jackson's nose (tee hee), I will keep it on. Oh the other day Danny sent me flowers. I know what you're thinking "man she is spoiled" but in all honesty I am not. I have earned those, we won't go into how, but we'll just say I put up with a lot. Tee hee. Anyway, he sent them to me to show me that he appreciates everything that I do for him. Which I am glad he does. Soooo yeah, I am not quite sure what else to post about but I told Angie at work today that I would post on here. (So you better comment Ang! Hee hee love ya). Well it is off to the wonderful world of homework. You ladies are amazing. Keep your chins up!!

My paper

2006-09-21T19:39:00.000-05:00

Well, everyone has been in the dumps lately so I am here to say CHEER UP!!!! Our guys are coming home sooner than any of us could think. Time may seem like it is moving slowly now but compare it to how fast this year has gone. WE CAN DO THIS LADIES!!!!
I have been incredibly busy as usual. I have a sociology exam tomorrow, a chemistry exam on Saturday, and my first paper is due in my english class on Tuesday. This paper is very very special to me, I have worked really hard on it and I am proud of it. We had to do a personal narrative and I had no idea what to do mine about. I had ideas but nothing I felt I could work with. When one day my friend Julie, suggested I do mine on the day Danny left for Iraq. Now, at first I thought well that would be boring because he was in Texas when he left and I was here in Missouri, (I wanted to go say goodbye but he said not to go down there because it would be too hard, believe me I didn't chose to be away for that day). Anyway, then I thought I could do it on the day he left to go BACK to Iraq. So here it is in it's entirety....

The two weeks that I spent with my fiancé were wonderful, filled with Cardinal’s games, St. Louis Symphony concerts, trips to the zoo and countless family dinners. Throughout these fun times however, a constant sorrow lingered inside me, pulling at my heart, reminding me that Danny’s time home was not permanent. I could sense that the end was coming, creeping closer and closer. Clocks mocked me, constantly reminding me that my time with him was coming to an end and that he would soon be leaving me again. Until finally, the day that I dreaded the most had reached me. Danny had to return to Iraq.
The day he left I didn’t leave his house until two o’clock in the morning. Though my heart screamed at me to stay longer, my head knew we both needed rest. I was going to return to his house at five so we could talk and spend more time together before leaving for Lambert Airport with his parents at six. I went home, fell into my big, pine bed, snuggled into my navy blue comforter, and shut my eyes. After a few hours of sleep, I slipped into my favorite pair of blue jeans and a comfy orange shirt. I threw my hair into a pony tail, too tired to style it, and left for Danny’s house. The whole way there I tried to fight the thoughts that this would be the last time I was going to see him for seven more months.
When I arrived, Danny was sleeping on the couch. As I saw him lay there in his uniform of tans and browns, tears came to my eyes. I realized that he was really leaving. I couldn’t deny it. I could no longer pretend that he would stay with me forever. Not wanting to wake him, I sat on the couch and watched him sleep. He was so peaceful. It was hard to think that the peace that he had at that moment was not going to return to him for seven months. As I ran my hands through his short, light brown, Army regulation hair, I started to quietly weep. I then looked at the clock, which to me had become the ultimate depiction of evil, and realized it was time to go. I wiped off my tears, took a deep breath, leaned over and kissed him. “Danny, it is time to get up,” I whispered into his ear. He opened his blue eyes and smiled at me. I am going to miss that smile so much, I thought to myself. He then got up and started to get the rest of his uniform together. Watching him lace up his tan boots and put on his camouflage blouse brought both pride and sorrow to my heart. I felt so proud to be the fiancée of a soldier serving our country, but I was sorry to see him get ready to go. Once he was fully dressed he grabbed his tall cylinder shaped draw string bag, which was once dark green, but now much lighter due to the dirt and dust that covered it. His parents and I grabbed the other bags and we all headed toward the door.
Danny and I fell asleep on the way to the airport. It was so comforting to sleep on his shoulders one last time. The ride to the airport was certainly easier because I wasn’t awake to watch the signs on the highway, telling me that I am getting closer and closer to the place where I must actually let him go. When we finally arrived at the airport, Danny and I slowly and sadly stepped out of the car.
We entered the airport and walked through the empty silent terminals to the stairs leading to the baggage check-in. The airport seemed so lifeless. The cold, hard tiles and dim lights made it feel like such a heartless place, which in my mind, it truly was. This place would be taking my fiancé away from me.
After checking in his bags, we walked to his departing gate. We had about twenty minutes before he needed to leave. I kept putting off saying goodbye. Instead I just held his hard, callused hand, and walked around with him. We looked at the shops around the terminal and talked. We talked about what we had done those past two weeks, how well we slept, and how tired we both were. Then it came time to say goodbye. He gave his mom and dad a hug. His dad kept a smile on his face as his mom was trying to hide her tears. “Be careful Son. We will pray for you every night. We love you.” “I will,” he replied. Now it was my turn. We kissed and then held each other in an embrace that seemed to last forever but still ended too soon. “Be careful Danny. Use your head, and come home soon. I love you very much, and I am going to miss you even more,” I said while fighting tears. He held onto me, looked me in the eyes, and said, “I want you to take care of yourself. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I am always careful. I love you too honey and I think about you all the time.” I could hardly see due to the burning tears in my eyes, but I managed to hold them in. I didn’t want Danny to see me cry.
He walked through the roped off lines and into the security check-in. I stood at the gate, surrounded by others but still I felt completely alone. I watched him as he placed his bags in bins and unlaced his heavy boots to be checked by security. He was told he could proceed, and I continued to watch him as he walked through his gate. When he was finally out of sight, I turned to his parents, with tears rolling down my face, and let out a deep sigh. They gave me a hug and we all walked back to the car.
Danny is still in Iraq but he is coming home in a few months. This whole experience has made me realize that I am stronger than I thought I was or could be. This deployment is almost over and I have continued to battle my enemies of loneliness and depression. Danny’s absence does upset me, but I do not dwell on it. Rather than sit in sorrow or self pity I have chosen to keep my mind occupied with school and work. I believe that you can either let circumstances get you down or you can choose to rise above them. I chose to rise above them.

Blah

2006-09-10T22:05:00.000-05:00

I'm grumpy today. I hate being grumpy. I think it is because I am so stressed lately. I am working so much and going to school everyday. It is wearing on me. I still don't have my laptop back. I'm going to call them tomorrow. And I have to make an appointment to shadow a nurse for four hours as a part of one of my classes but I also have to go get a tuburculin test first (a shot eww). And Danny was going to call me today because it was his day off, but they had another blackout so he couldn't. I think they time those things so he can't talk to me. It's a conspiracy. And a pipe broke in the basement where my room is, so now nasty old water got on my carpet and my floor smells. EWW!!! I have a fan, dehumidifier and candles to get the smell and dampness out. And somebody, (we don't know who) ate quite a few of the chocolates that Danny sent me. I was pretty mad about that too. I am just sooo stressed. I really wanted to talk to Danny too. He always makes me feel better. And he appreciates how much work I do. I am never home. Between classes Mon-Sat, and working 40 hours a week. I say I am stressed and my mom (the ultimate over acheiver) says that I just need to manage my time better. WHAT!!! Danny understands. Gosh I miss him. He makes me feel like I shouldn't have a care in the world. He is the best listener. My best friend. I always miss him most when I am stressed or upset. He is the ultimate comforter for me. Missing him most in those times really doesn't help either, because I am usually already pretty upset. Add to all of this allergies, cramps, and a severe headache, and there you have it. My life as of now.
Ok, I feel a little better. Sorry to post and bitch but man, I needed to spill.

Another Special Day

2006-09-06T22:34:00.000-05:00

So today was me and Danny's two year anniversary. Once again I find myself wondering where the time has gone. Well I actually hadn't heard from Danny for 4 days and so I figured that they were in a Commo Black Out and I wasn't expecting a phone call today. I had such a hard time convincing myself to stop getting my hopes up. Well I didn't get a phone call and I was disappointed even though in the back of my mind I figured I wouldn't. But I signed online after class and he was on. He said he had waited at the phones for them to lift the black out and when they didn't, he went to his room to check his email and I was on. I was just happy to talk to him. That would have made my day right there. Oh but it gets better. He then told me that he passed his board this morning and he is now Specialist Promotable. My immediate reaction was congratulations but then came the question of what that meant. I was embarrassed to ask but I had no idea. Well with his MOS the points you need to be promoted to sergeant are really ridiculously high right now but he thinks that when he comes home they will be lower. Well that was great news. I had been wanting him to get that promotion forever. I was soo excited. Then I got to work to find 2 dozen roses waiting for me (one for each month we have been together). And I came home to find two more bouquets and a box of chocolates. He went all out. I was so excited. All in all this was a wonderful day. In the two years we have been together, we have spent so much time apart. But I still wouldn't trade a minute of it for the world. I am so happy and proud to be a military fiance. And I can't wait to get the title of military wife.

Special Day

2006-09-04T22:58:00.000-05:00

One year ago today was a very special day in my life. It was the day that the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. I can't believe it has been a year already. Man, time flies. Anyway, here is how it happened........

So Danny and I had been talking about getting married for awhile and we went and picked out a ring and now it was just waiting for him to pop the question. The sad thing is that I figured it was coming because we both knew he was leaving for Iraq soon and we didn't know when we would get to see each other next. Anyway, he was back in good ol' Missouri visiting me and his family (mainly me tee hee hee). And he told me one night that he was going to take me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant. Now don't laugh when I tell you my favorite restaurant but it is Olive Garden, I LOVE THAT PLACE. It isn't exactly 5 star dining but I am not an incredibly picky girl. Anyway back to the story. I got all dressed up and cute (my profile pic is the two of us before we left) my mom insisted we get our picture taken before we left which I didn't quite understand at the time but apparently EVERYONE knew what was happening except me. So we went to Olive Garden and after dinner he said, "You know it is a beautiful night, do you want to go for a walk in the park?" I said sure, but in all actuality I was thinking it is kind of cold I am going to die. Anyway, I kind of figured something was up.......I mean I was totally surprised :). So we went to the park but before we got out of the car we kissed and I felt him reach into the side compartment of the car for something, at this point I was pretty sure what was coming. Well anyway we walked through the park and I kept seeing all these perfect spots for him to propose, but we kept walking. We walked to the end of the park and turned around. I was thinking is he playing with my mind or what???? All of a sudden he starts scratching his legs badly (earlier in the week during PT, all the guys got bitten by fire ants). He was scratching like crazy. I asked if he was ok and he said yeah these fire ant bites are getting to me can we sit down? I said sure. So we sit in a nearby bench and he keeps scratching behind his legs and turned it into a way to smoothly and discretely turn and kneel. I was so excited!!! He then gave the most beautiful speech in the world about how he wants to take care of me and grow old with me. Then he ended with Courtney ***********, will you marry me?? Of course I said yes, he put the ring on my finger (perfect fit) and we hugged in the park for about 5 minutes.
After that we walked back to the car and he called his dad to tell him we were coming over. Right when we walked in the door, his dad run up to me and kissed me on the cheek and gave me the biggest hug ever (I love his dad). His mom told us congratulations (his dad is way more enthusiastic) we opened a glass of champaigne and had a toast. We stayed over for awhile then had to make our rounds to my house to be greeted and congratulated by my family (it was so late by then, that they were all barely awake). Then we made it to my friends apartment where the whole gang assembled to congratulate us. Like I said EVERYONE knew.
All in all it truly was the greatest night of my life. I can not wait to marry him. We have about 9 months to go til we say I DO. And I am more anxious than ever.

Other quick news, I am sorry the pictures of my dress were taken down. I have no idea what happened. Yahoo photos changed their stuff. And once again I have been super busy with school and work. I really have been working a lot. I have been pretty stressed lately but I need money and school is a must so I deal. I can't wait to get married and move to Texas.
You WILL be hearing from me on Wednesday because I have another special occasion. I know what your thinking *Whatever could it be???* Well you will see.

Respect

2006-08-27T21:57:00.000-05:00

Ok so all I am going to say is that I have one basic principle for my page. If you have nothing nice to say than don't post on my blog. I know that many of you kept saying you "didn't mean to be rude" but the bottom line is that you were. If you don't like the way something looks you are not obligated to say anything. I didn't ask for your comment on the subject. Now don't get me wrong, I like to get comments on my page but rude opinions are better kept unsaid. The bottom line is that I LOVE my dress and the pictures I put up here do not do it justice. Thank you all for your concern about MY dress but in all honesty I picked it out, I am the one that will wear it, and I think it looks amazing. So now all I ask is that you respect my choices and not comment about how bad you think that they are.

Now for the ladies that always read my blog, I love you guys! I am currently working my butt off in school and am busier than ever. I am going to school 6 days a week, working about five, and trying to plan my wedding. I will post again soon.

News!

2006-08-11T12:46:00.000-05:00

Ok so once again it has been awhile. But I will be completely honest. I really have been busy. For starters, I changed my major. I am now going to be a nurse. I know what you are thinking. That is a complete 180 from being a music teacher. But I really only decided to be a music teacher because music is what I am good at. It is my passion and will be forever. But the more I was in the classes the more I hated it. I finally figured if this is something I plan on doing for quite some time it should be something I desire to learn about and let me tell you I hated those music classes. Music theory, ear training, piano proficiency, lessons, I hated those classes. And I hated learning more about that stuff. I dreaded school. And I had always kind of thought about being a nurse so I decided to take it to the next level and act on it. And now I am excited about school. I can't wait. I am taking a chemistry class on a Saturday which really sucks but I kind of shot myself in the foot by changing my major after most people had signed up for their classes. I had actually signed up for all the music classes again and had to switch everything around. But I can't wait for school to start. It starts for me on Saturday the 19th.
Other than school, I have more news. MY WEDDING DRESS FINALLY CAME IN!! I was so excited I could have peed my pants (not really but now you get the idea just how excited I was). Hee hee. Anyway, it is gorgeous. I finally got to try on a dress that fit me. The one I was trying on at the place was 5 sizes to big so it was always being held on by clips and things. On my actual dress, the straps are a little too big so those are going to be taken in some. But everything else fit perfectly. I took lots of pictures and you can see them here. Oh and please excuse the dorky looks on my face. I was really excited. It was hard to calm down and smile normal.
Oh and more news. Yesterday I got back from Nashville. Me and my best friend took a spur of the moment road trip for 3 days. She wanted to visit a university there and I wanted a vacation so we took my brand new car (see post below if you haven't heard about the amazing new car) :), and went on a trip. It was my first vacation without my parents. I know kind of dorky to be almost 20 and have never gone on a trip without mom and dad or a school, but my family is close and we love vacations. But anyway, it is needless to say both me and my friend had to keep calling both sets of parents to check in. LOL. It was a 5 hour drive and we made it there without really getting that lost. The directions we had were really bad so we got kind of lost on the way to the hotel. But it turned out ok. We had so much fun. We just walked around Nashville, visited the Parthenon, went shopping, I bought a new Guess purse. I love those purses, but soon I will move up the designer line and get a Coach bag and then a Louis Vitton. Oooh I can't wait. But back to the trip. I took some good pics of Nashville. The city had some great buildings. I really love architecture so I put some of those pics in there. You can see them here.
Ok now I have some sad news. One of Danny's friends died this week. He was a translator. He couldn't tell me much but they found him murdered. Danny was pretty shaken up at first but he is better now. Just keep him in your prayers as you guys are all in mine.
I love you all and I will try to post more often. Really what kept me was trying to do that cool look "here" at the pictures thing but now I found a site that tells me how to do those kinds of things. And I will share because hopefully I am not the only person that is kind of baffled with certain computer things. It is here.

New Car!

2006-07-14T00:02:00.000-05:00

So I finally got a new car. It is a 2006 Nissan Sentra. I bought it yesterday. I got the special edition one so it has a spoiler, 6 cd changer, sub woofer, and it is an automatic (which I am personally the most excited about because I have been driving manuals since I first learned how to drive). I am so excited to have this car. This is the first car that I have ever bought. It even has little anchors in the back for a baby seat someday which Danny was excited about (don't worry I am waiting til I graduate college to have kids). So now after over 3 hours of trying to figure out how to work putting a photo album on here and after signing up at flickr and yahoo photos (finally I called my computer savvy friend), I can now say that you can see the photos here.

Long time no post

2006-07-02T21:13:00.000-05:00

Well once again sorry it has been awhile since I have posted. I find myself saying that very often. Well my absence from the blogging world is very easily explainable. I have been talking to Danny. That's right, practically everyday for the past 2 weeks. Usually we hardly ever caught each other online because the times he was on I was in school. Well now that school is out we are talking all the time. I have more time and he has found himself with less missions. He is down to one or two a day (yes I said down to, I think his CO is going for a record or something). In two weeks I have gone two days without iming him and on those days he emailed me. I have also gotten 3 phone calls in 3 weeks. This is so rare for me. Usually I would get an email every 3 to 4 days, a phone call whenever he had time (usually once or twice a month) and we would catch each other online maybe once or twice a month. I love being able to talk to him all the time. It is so strange running out of things to talk about. And what is even more strange is that I love running out of things to talk about. It feels like we have a normal relationship again without the restraints of distance and war. I feel so blessed lately. Now that I have explained the wonderful reasons to be away from the blogging community (although I did miss you ladies), I can move on to the things I have been meaning to post about for awhile.

I read a post about a deployment being couples therapy. This got me thinking. I agree 100%. Lately, my friends have all been having problems with their relationships and they have been coming to me for advice because they see how good me and Danny's relationship is. And I noticed a trend in problems. Lack of good communication skills and taking advantage of what they have. Well, listening to all of my friends' problems made me realize how lucky Danny and I are. See before he was deployed he was stationed in Texas, and I still lived in Missouri. He would call me everyday for hours and hours and I would see him once a month. He would stay with his parents, just 10 miles away. Well because of our distance we were forced to develop great communication skills. This is very beneficial to a relationship I realized. These skills enable us to talk through every problem we have within an hour. Granted the distance does make it hard for us to get used to each other's mannerisms and causes other problems you can only imagine but once again our communication skills prevail and we work through those problems. This distance also made us value each other and the time we spent together. People in relationships where they see each other all the time, sometimes tend to get comfortable and feel they don't have to try anymore (not everyone but some people). Well because Danny and I don't see each other we value every second and I think that we will for quite some time because we will remember the times that we couldn't see each other. And this deployment has only made us stronger. We have learned not to fight over petty things. We don't let things bother us like they used to because we never know when we will be able to talk to each other again. This whole experience has only made our relationship better. Although it still sucks that he is gone. But I am going to focus on the positive for as long as I can.

What a view!

2006-06-11T20:06:00.000-05:00

What view you might ask. Oh that would be the view from cloud nine. I am so happy. Danny and I talked online for about 5 hours last night. Granted, my amount of sleep was dismal but man it was worth it. Our talks are the best. We never talk about Iraq or the distance between us. We talked as if we were together again. We joked, made fun of each other. We had fun. He can always make me laugh. Even when I am in the worst mood. That is one of the reasons why I fell in love with him. It is so hard to get caught up in the fact that we are apart when I am laughing. I can't wait to be with him again. We are halfway done with this deployment. Bring on the second half and let it end as quickly as the first.

Grrrr

2006-06-09T12:55:00.000-05:00

Ok so last night I wrote a really long post. And when I tried to post it, I found out that blog central was under construction or something like that. So now here is a shortened version because there is no way I am writing that long thing again......

I am sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I have been really bad about that. Here's what's been happening. I signed up for my classes for the fall. Woo, hoo. Yes that was very sarcastic. I really don't feel like thinking about school right now. Actually if it weren't for my friend pushing me, I wouldn't have signed up this early. You gotta love friends that make you do what you know you have to do when you don't wanna do it. Other than that, Danny called me on Sunday and we got to talk for over and hour. He also called me on Tuesday because it was our anniversary. Sigh. He is so good to me. I have been working about 40 hours a week lately. To be honest, I hate it but I love money so I guess I'll have to deal. I have kind of been missing Danny a lot lately but I am sure it is a funk and I know I will get out of it.

Anyway, my wedding is one year and 7 days away and I can't wait. He is the most amazing guy I have ever known and I have liked him since I was little. Granted the feeling at the time most definately wasn't mutual. But now I hooked him and it the the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Sigh. Mr. Wonderful.

Rosco

2006-05-27T21:54:00.000-05:00

I GOT A PUPPY. His name is Rosco and he is the cutest boxer in the whole wide world. I have been going on no sleep lately because I have been getting up every few hours to take the dog out. He is such a good puppy. He will be the best guard dog ever. Anyway, news from the front is that Danny is the gunner on the CO's humvee now. And he finally got a better internet service so let the emailing resume. I can't wait. I was getting sick of going 7-9 days between any form of contact.

Finally

2006-05-23T00:43:00.000-05:00

I am feeling better. Still not 100% but certainly not as scared as I was. Anyway, like I said before I won't go into it. Thank you guys for all the prayers. Danny called me on Sunday. He hadn't had time until then because he has been doing 2 missions a day and they are all lasting hours longer than they are supposed to. My poor baby. He works so hard, my heart breaks for him. Sunday was his first day off. Tomorrow I am going to send him a package. I have been letting my family know that I am taking phone card donations because those suckers are expensive. 700 minutes costs $45 and 600 is $30? Good grief. But what can ya do? I buy them anyway. Oh my goodness. I went shopping today and spent a butt load of money. I keep convincing myself that most of the expense was the stuff I am putting in Danny's box, but part of me knows better. But get this, I bought my new swimsuit for $8. I know what you are thinking......awesome. It was clearanced. I was so excited. Target.. I love the fact that they rotate out swimsuits so much. I almost bought one of those big floppy straw hats, man it looked cute on me, but I realized I didn't know when I would wear it. I kind of wish I had gotten it though. See, that just proves that my shopping weakness is improving with age. I only buy things that I know I will wear for something. So now I am trying hard to think of something to wear that hat to so I can go buy it. LOL. Unfortunately I don't go to the pool so that's out. If you have suggestions, let me know. I want an excuse to buy it. Well it is late/early. I am going to bed. Thank you ladies for all your enduring prayers and support. I love you gals.

Going crazy....

2006-05-20T12:50:00.000-05:00

This is the 8th day since I have heard from Danny. I am going crazy. I have never had to wait this long. My little sister said she saw that he was online yesterday as she was running out of the house so I thought surely I would get an email. I thought wrong. Aside from that I stopped in to ask that you guys pray for me. We won't go into what happened but pray that justice gets served to the fullest extent and that I have peace of mind. I would also like to say I probably won't be posting much for a little while. And I apologize for my lack of comments on other peoples' blogs lately. I will get back into the swing of things eventually.... I hope.

100 things

2006-05-17T02:10:00.000-05:00

Before I start my 100 things about myself that I have been asked to write by the other Courtney, I would like to say thanks. Thank you girls for being there when I need you. I was having a rough week and I didn't know how to feel about things. You ladies are amazing. I don't know what I would do without you. To be honest sometimes when I am sad about Danny I don't feel like talking about it to other people because I think that they are thinking that Danny is the only thing I think about or they think I am just whining. But here I don't feel that way at all. You guys understand that it isn't just whining. So thank you. Other than that school is out. YAY!!!! Now I have to work my butt off over the summer to buy a new car and a new viola which will be about $5,000 yikes. And as far as Danny goes, well, I haven't heard from him in 4 days so that really sucks. Every free second I have, I run to a computer and see if I have a new email and I am always disappointed. I hope to get an email soon but we'll see. :(
Now onto my 100 facts:

1. My name is Courtney Marie *********** (yes I have a ridiculously long last name)
2. I LOVE DANIEL JAMES ******* (thank God my last name will get that short)
3. I have known Danny since he was 2 and I was a baby
4. I have 3 sisters, 2 older 1 younger (yes, my dad is lucky)
5. I have been playing the viola for 9 years
6. I love my future in laws
7. I love my parents very much
8. I am a daddy's girl
9. I have never moved
10.I will eat just about anything
11.I love music of all kinds
12.I will talk to just about anyone
13.I have my belly button pierced
14.I have never dyed my hair
15.I have 1 dog as of now, a yorkshire terrior
16.I am scared of fish in lakes because I can't see them
17.I do not manage my time wisely
18.I am blond at heart
19.I love military stuff
20.I am very proud of Danny
21.I am very very sensitive
22.I cry at the drop of a hat
23.I hate that I cry so much
24.Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is my favorite composer
25.I am very much a music nerd
26.I hate my hair
27.I liked Danny since high school but the feeling wasn't mutual (he thought was annoying)
28.I was LOL
29.I sure hooked him
30.Danny won't get out of the Army til 2012 (if he doesn't re-enlist again that is)
31.I will be moving to Texas next summer
32.I have never been that far from my parents for an extended period
33.Crap this is hard
34.I am very self conscious
35.I love Cinna-bon
36.I want to have 3-5 kids someday
37.Gerber Daisies are my favorite flowers
38.I don't have a favorite color
39.I have brown hair
40.I love shoes
41.I buy more new underwear than anyone needs
43.I scrapbook, embroider, sew, quilt, stamp, make jewelry, decoupage, paint, etc.
44.I love musicals
45.I will be shocked if anyone reads, remembers, or comments about any of this
46.I can't wait to marry the most wonderful man in the world
47.I will on June 16,2007
48.I do not like school
49.I am ridiculously unathletic
50.I am now halfway LOL
51.I drive a Ford Ranger
52.I wish I was driving a Ferrari
53.My birthday is February 28, 1987
54.I can touch my tongue to my nose
55.I can wiggle my ears
56.I am a sucker for sales pitches
57.I love giving people presents
58.My favorite animal is a polar bear
59.I like the summer more than the winter
60.I make really good chocolate chip cookies
61.My favorite movie is Steel Magnolias
62.The only bone I have ever broken was my pinky toe
63.I love to do nothing
64.I hate making decisions
65.My favorite kind of food is Italian
66.I love ice cream
67.I love to sleep
68.I wish I was sleeping right now
69.I miss Danny
70.I get stressed easily
71.I like to have things planned out
72.I love the movie Father of the Bride
73.I am not a patient person
74.I am directionally impaired
75.I can't wait til December
76.I am very easily amused
77.I am having a hard time with this
78.I am getting very sleepy
79.It is 2 AM
80.I love Macaroni and Cheese
81.Sweets are my weakness
82.I am very very clumsy
83.I love my sisters
84.My younger sister is my maid of honor
85.I love history
86.I like to sing
87.I dance around the house all the time
88.Danny is my best friend
89.I love fashion
90.I wish I could afford the fashion that I love
91.Flowers make me smile
92.I don't know anything about cars
93.Danny makes me smile more than flowers
94.I hate going to work
95.I wish I was a bazillionaire
96.Yes, that is a number
97.I love dogs
98.I love kids
99.I love to be loved
100.One last thing about me, I AM GLAD TO BE DONE WITH THIS.

2006-05-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

I have been having a crappy couple of days. My finals are all this week and I had a jury this morning which means I play in front of all the music teachers and they judge me and give me a grade for the semester based on a couple of songs and scales that they pick. Well let's just say I tanked. I mean it was horrible. My scales were bad at least. I didn't even play the right amount of notes. Then I thought the piece went ok but appearantly not. They told me to put more emotion into it. I HATE THAT SONG! And I hate it even more because my teachers made me feel like I suck at it.
On top of all of this, I am having a really hard time adjusting to Danny being gone all over again. I hate waiting for emails, not being able to hear his voice, praying he is online when I am signing on so we can IM each other. And it is hard not to think about him because I work with this girl who's reserve Marine fiance just left for California to do training to go to Iraq and she is constantly saying, "I miss Tim, I miss Tim." She was just text messaging him and he calls her everyday. I mean I feel for her that he is gone, but really. She makes me so mad. I am sitting there trying not to think about my situation and she doesn't stop talking about Iraq. Her fiance is only going to be there for a couple of months, I try to tell her that she should realize she is luckier than some, but that doesn't sink in for her. I guess this makes me a b%*@! for not sympathizing for her situation but I just can't bring myself to feel sorry for her that her fiance is in CALIFORNIA! And she gets to talk to him all the time. But oh wait there's more....
I also just found out from my friend of 5 years, that he doesn't want to talk. That really upset me. I won't even get into the reasons why.
I guess I sound like a conceited little brat right now but this is just how I am feeling. I miss Danny so much. I am an emotional wreck. I think people can tell that I am depressed too. People ask me how I am doing and I grunt an answer and they say something like you miss him don't you, and I break down crying. The other day a girl from my orchestra kissed her boyfriend who came to see the concert and that brought me to tears. This is almost worse than when he first left. I am once again in this zombie state where I only smile if something funny happens, I don't talk much, and I just sit there. Like a constant daydream. Just zoning out. I feel a little better just writing all of this. Well I have one question, does that make me a you know what for not feeling sorry for her like everyone else does? Anyway I have to go write 2 commentary papers, a 5 page research paper and study for my final tomorrow.

2006-05-02T22:31:00.000-05:00

Well I am back and I have mixed feelings about it. I am sad to be in this situation again but I did miss you guys. Anyway spending two weeks with Danny was amazing. It realized very quickly just how much I missed him and how much I love spending time with him. We had so much fun. We went to the zoo, the symphony, a Cardinal's game at the brand new stadium, and we attended many family dinners and functions. It was exhausting but at the end of every night we cuddled on the couch watching movies. I always left his house at 2 or 3 AM which really sucked because I had school the next day but I didn't care. We also reserved the church while he was home. We sat with the pastor and told him that marriage counciling would be difficult since he is in Iraq but they are going to work with us. Anyway he left Sunday morning. I didn't leave his house until 3AM and I was back at his house at 5:30 AM to spend time with him before leaving to take him to the airport at 6. He looked so good in his uniform. He was tired too. He tried to stay awake all night so that he could sleep through the flights because he didn't want to think about home which would be hard for him because he didn't have anyone to talk to. What is funny is that I contained myself at the airport. I DIDN'T CRY. Granted, it wasn't easy but I did it. After that I came home and slept all day. After that I felt like a zombie. I didn't have much feeling. Wasn't happy, sad, I was just living. It was like being in a constant daydream. I went to work on Monday and the girl I worked with was like, "Smile Courtney, come on smile." Finally I told her I don't feel like smiling. And I didn't. But then Danny called me from Kuwait while I was at work and that is when the emotions started coming. I cried the whole phone call but he didn't know and once we got off the phone I lost it. I was bawling. I knew that was going to happen too. I figured everything would hit me when he called from Kuwait. As of now I don't know where he is. I assume he is still in Kuwait because he told me he would call me when he got to Iraq. Anyway for some lighter news.... I bought my wedding dress today. I am so lucky too because it is being discontinued and I could have only ordered it til the end of this month. So as of now I have the reception hall booked, the church, the photographer and the dress. So I am well on my way to a June 16, 2007 wedding. And I can't wait. After these two weeks with Danny I know now more than ever how wonderful he is and just how perfect he is for me.

2006-04-18T14:44:00.000-05:00

Well I know everyone was wondering and yes he is home. He came home on Friday instead of Saturday. I barely got someone to cover my shift but I wouldn't have gone in to work anyway. Needless to say I am incredibly happy. I ran so fast when I saw him at the airport I nearly knocked him over. I will have more pictures of that later. I am having a hard time learning to "share". But that is what I am doing now, letting him spend time alone with other family members. I sucks but what can ya do? Anyway I thought I would drop in and say what has been going on. I will have a much longer post once he is gone and I will put up more pictures of our time together. Til then :)

2006-04-08T22:28:00.000-05:00

ONE MORE WEEK!!
This is Danny and I at his 5th my 3rd combined birthday party. He was sooo cute. And I have amazing news, it is official, I got off work for the whole first week. I am so excited. I have still been shopping like crazy but that's ok. I bought my Easter outfit today. My dad keeps making fun of me because I have all sorts of new clothes but I don't care. I want to look extra amazing when he comes home (so he has good memories to use when he goes back). Anyway, I have a piano final coming that I should be practicing for right now. I will post again soon.

2006-04-03T22:57:00.000-05:00

12 DAYS!!!!!
And I am more excited than ever. His homecoming is all I think about. The other day I went shopping for stuff to wear when he is home. I spent a lot of money :) Oh well I'll be looking good. I just keep thinking about him. He is the most wonderful man I have ever known and I can't wait to be with him again. I keep seeing these cute couples and I think man, not much longer, then I see these messed up relationships and I think about how blessed I am to be with someone as amazing as he is. I am actually really concerned with what he is going to think about how I look though. I have gained some weight. He tells me I am ridiculous because he sees me on the webcam and he says I look good. But I can't help it. I guess my biggest fear is that he plays this up in his head. I don't want him to be disappointed with anything. But enough about that. I am too excited to let this worry me. I know in my head he loves me no matter what, I am just letting the girly side get to me. If only men knew what we went through for them. *Sigh*

2006-03-28T22:47:00.000-06:00

18 DAYS!!!!!

2006-03-23T15:15:00.000-06:00

Here's the snow. I just figured out how to do this.

More crazy spring snow.

Here's my beautiful jewelry box.

This is the necklace he sent me for my birthday.

Yay!!! I am so glad I figured out how to do the pictures. I really wanted to show everyone. Man I am retarded sometimes.
23 days til Danny comes home for leave.

2006-03-21T22:03:00.000-06:00

MY BABY WILL BE HOME IN 25 DAYS!!!!
That's right he is coming home for leave on April 15th. I am so excited. He called me yesterday. I kind of asked him to. I really needed to talk to him. I hadn't talked to him in 3 weeks. I was getting really depressed for awhile there. It is weird because I know when he is coming home and I should be excited which I am, but lately I have been really down. Missing him a lot. I guess it is because I have been both flooded with memories of the stuff we did and daydreaming about all the stuff we are going to do together. Anyway, the other day I got a package from Danny. Inside of it was a beautiful wooden jewelry box and a 24 karat gold necklace. All handmade in Iraq. He is so good to me. I love him so much. Oh and it snowed today, like 3 inches. Crazy huh? Well I have homework to do. I will post later.

2006-03-15T22:21:00.000-06:00

I found out today that on Friday Danny is going to his leave briefing. Which means that I will know when he is coming home soon. Which also means......HE IS COMING HOME SOON!!!!! I smiled the minute I read those words and haven't stopped since. I actually had a crappy day at work today and this made it all better. I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!

2006-03-05T23:45:00.000-06:00

Ok so I know it has been a while since I have posted but not much has been going on. My 19th birthday was on the 28th and was welcomed in by a call from Danny. School has been keeping me busy and at the moment I am using every and any excuse possible to avoid practicing piano for my class tomorrow. I don't really feel like doing homework right now. I want to sleep. But aside from that, April is closer and closer and Danny's return is all I dream and think about. Apparently it is all he thinks about also. In his most recent email he told me that he can't wait to come home. The part that is driving me crazy is that we have no freaking idea when exactly he will be home. What's worse is that if I don't find out soon enough I might not be able to get off work. There are 6 girls including myself on the schedule at my work so me wanting a week off is going to be hard. Although my supervisor said I will get it no matter what because she would work for me (which is because I always come in when I am not scheduled). Little does she know that 3 of the girls might be quitting which will inevitably screw me over. But enough about that. I keep reading other women's blogs and it seems so many of their men are coming home. I am so happy for them but it does make me miss Danny even more. I want to be them. I guess that makes me selfish because they waited their year or more and if they can do it, then damnit so can I. I miss him constantly but am becoming more accustomed to the idea that he is gone. I don't cry as often. Well except for one day at work when that song "Wake me up when September ends" came on. I got a little teary eyed. Other than that I am keeping busy. School is still no fun but a necessity. I'm hoping that the busier I am, the sooner April will come. I was thinking today, I want a "reunited hug" picture. Who will take it? I don't want to tell his parents, "Ok, when he comes up to hug me here's the camera, take a good picture ok?" I mean everytime he comes home he hugs me first but I feel like I would be rubbing that in their faces and besides I don't think they will be able to focus to take a picture. I am sure they will be too excited as will I.

Now a little about Iraq. Ok, so I don't really watch the news for multiple reasons. 1. I am already sad because I miss him all the time, and yes I do worry but I don't want to be consumed by it because of the stuff I see. 2. The news is most definitely not the best source of factual information. 3. If I watch the news and I hear that something bad happened I will be freaking out until I hear from him again. I would just rather naively assume he is ok all the time. Like the other day I got off the phone with him and went upstairs where my parents were watching the news and heard that many soldiers had died. My whole family looked at me and I said, "It isn't Danny, I just got done talking to him." Now imagine if I hadn't talked to him. Sometimes he doesn't write me for days and days. If I heard that, I would be a wreck until I heard from him again. But anyway, it is most definitely more dangerous over there. Danny keeps telling me about all these car bombs. One went off 300 meters away from him the other day and killed 20 Iraqis. And just the other day while he was on patrol one went off in his area which killed more Iraqis. I am thankful that no soldiers were injured but I still worry. So don't stop praying.

Ok I guess I will go study and practice now that it is midnight. My schedule is so messed up. I will try to post more often I promise.

2006-02-15T23:48:00.000-06:00

First off, Happy Belated Valentine's Day!! My day wasn't bad at all. Danny called me in the morning before I had to go to school. The very first thing he said was, "I love you." That made me smile for the rest of the day. We talked more then he said he had something serious to ask me which ended up being, "Will you be my Valentine?" He is soo cute. I found out that he told his parents he was coming home. He made their day. I also found out that as a wedding present, his parents are paying for our honeymoon. Hawaii here we come! I am so excited. I had to work all day on valentine's day. It was actually a horrible day at work. I got yelled at by customers all day long. It sucked. Most of the girls I work with had the day off to spend with their boyfriends. But one of them came up and brought me flowers, a bear, and candy. I started crying. She said she didn't want me to feel left out on Valentine's Day. That was perhaps one of the sweetest things a friend has done for me. Then later that night another one of my friends from work brought me a bear and candy. I have such amazing friends. They are really taking care of me.

Danny, on the other hand, isn't doing so good. The Army has been moving people around over there causing morale to plummit through the floor. Danny was on the XO's tank and he was enjoying it (well as much as you can anyway). But the army just moved the XO to a desk job and brought in a new platoon leader who in turn brought over a bunch of guys from his old platoon. All the tank crewmen got switched around and now there are all working with people they are not used to. He said they don't even talk to each other. I find that sad. Those guys learn to work with each other and get used to each other then they get all moved around. Anyway, Danny isn't even on a tank anymore which breaks my heart. He is now a permanent gunner for a humvee. My poor baby, he loves being a tanker. But I guess that is what the Army is the best at, changing things up.

2006-02-04T15:40:00.000-06:00

I finally had a couple of days off and I must say I didn't spend them too well. I mainly stayed by my computer waiting to see if Danny would sign on, and watching movies I ended up regretting. Yesterday I watched The Notebook and cried for an hour. I don't know why I watch movies like that. I know better. Thursday I watched Cold Mountain and did the same thing. You know what's funny? In the movie Cold Mountain, I cried when they reunited, that wasn't even that sad part. Through the whole rest of the movie that is what I was crying about. Isn't it strange what really gets to you once your soldier is deployed. I used to cry at the end, I won't give it away but it isn't a happy ending, and now I cry at the "happy" part. Aside from that, today I sent my first package to Danny. Our anniversary is on the 6th, his 21st birthday is on the 8th (what a way to spend it huh) and obviously Valentines Day is coming. So needless to say he is getting quite a few goodies in his little box. The guy at the post office told me it would only take like 10 days for him to get it. I am excited because I thought it would take a month. I got my ring cleaned and inspected today too. It is so sparkly now. I find myself just looking at it. It is so pretty.
I can't wait til he comes home in April. He isn't telling his parents when he is coming. He wants to surprise them. I have been trying to tell him that is a bad idea because they will want to take time off work to spend with him. However, I do not mind picking him up from the airport alone, or being able to spend time alone with him while his parents are at work. I am torn. Oh well, it all comes down to what he wants to do.
He and I got to talk online two nights in a row. That was awesome. Thursday night I was online at midnight (like usual) and he signed on to write a few emails in the 15 minutes he had before work. Needless to say he didn't write them. He has the internet working in his room now so he got to use his webcam. It was great to see him. He has lost a lot of weight. On Friday night we got to talk longer and once again he used his webcam. This time however, his roommate was in the room. He started lifting up his shirt for the camera and then next thing I knew he mooned me (the roommate not Danny). Danny said my face was priceless. I was shocked. I have said it before and I will say it again, I will never understand men. Then the server went down. He immediately went to the phone place and called me. I think that was so sweet. I love him so much.

2006-02-02T01:28:00.000-06:00

I finally went to the doctor today and I have a sinus infection. I hope all the medicine makes me better quick because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Anyway, Danny is doing good. I hear from him almost everday now. I am enjoying the more frequent emails. And I was tagged by Erika so here goes....

4 Jobs You Have Had in Your Life
1. Sales associate and supervisor at Michaels Craft Store
2. Playing the music at weddings
3. Customer service at a furniture store
4. That's it. Not very fun. Except the weddings. I love playing a weddings.

4 Movies You Would Watch Over and Over
1. Pretty Woman
2. Phantom of the Opera
3. Elf
4. Old School

4 Places You Have Lived
1. St. Louis, Missouri
2. That's it.
3. No more.
4. Only one.

4 TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. CSI
2. America's Next Top Model
3. What Not to Wear
4. Seinfeld

4 Places You Have Been on Vacation
1. Puerto Rico
2. Cancun
3. Niagara Falls
4. St. Thomas, Virgin Islands

4 Web-Sites You Visit Daily
1. A lot of military blogs
2. Yahoo!
3. Fort Hood's Home Page
4. Yahoo! Music

4 Favorite Foods
1. Pasta Con Broccoli
2. Peanut Butter and Jelly (a timeless classic)
3. Chicken and Dumplings
4. Fettucini Alfredo

4 Places You Would Rather Be Right Now
1. Anywhere with Danny
2. A beach
3. Boston
4. Beverly Hills (but only if I could be in a mansion)

4 People I Tag
Kbug, Airbornewife, Syvanna, I don't know anyone else LOL.

2006-01-30T01:51:00.000-06:00

Well I am sick and have been for about 5 days now. I cannot shake this horrible cold I have. But I am so excited because Danny is coming home for a midtour in April. I keep telling myself April is not far away, it is so close. I already spoke to my boss about time off. Turns out I can get a week's paid vacation. I am so happy. Danny has also been able to email me more often. He has even called me a couple of times. He is usually really busy though. He tells me that a lot of days he has to choose between eating and sleeping. My poor baby. He works so hard and my heart breaks for him. I feel so blessed to hear from him every few days though because I know some men over there don't even get that much time. Hell, I will take whatever I can get. Sometimes I am scared that when he comes back he will be different. I don't know what I will do. And when he comes back for good I worry about flashbacks. If I witness those I will start crying. It will make what he is going through so much more real. He told me once, that when he got back from his first deployment his family threw him a party and when a balloon popped he hit the ground. I will freak out if I see that. I won't know what to do. But why am I worrying about that now? I often worry about things that I don't need to worry about. And then things I should worry about (like homework) I don't. I am such a procrastinator. I haven't done my homework because I haven't felt well but I am not going to skip school tomorrow (even though I really really want to) actually I am still debating that.
Man April, April, April, April, April!!!! It is so close I can taste it. I need to work out and some new clothes. When he comes home I am going to show him the wedding stuff I have picked out. Like the reception hall, tuxes, bridesmaids dresses. I am so excited for him to see. I showed him pictures of everything and he said he likes my taste (which is good because I have a lot more stuff to pick out while he is gone). I feel crazy. Who looks forward to April in January unless your birthday is in that month. I DO!!! I seriously cannot stop smiling like a fool. Oh well though I love having something to look forward to as oppose to just going from one day to the next with nothing to motivate me. This is the first stop in a very long deployment.

2006-01-23T01:37:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone. my name is Katie and I am Courtney's little sister. I just want to tell all of you that I really apprecaite what you do. You guys have been so helpfull to Courtney. I mean she tells me what she is going through and she tells our family but we can't understand the same way you guys can. Well I will leave you all alone now. i just wanted to say thank you and Tell you all how much you mean to me. I hope Courtney is helping you as much as you are helping her. and you are all in my prayers as well as your spouses.

Love,
Katie

2006-01-17T01:46:00.000-06:00

My first day back to school is tomorrow. To be honest I am not very excited. I am taking all music classes this semester though so it should be a breeze. I finally heard from Danny. It sounds like things are getting more violent for him over there. What makes it worse is that the night before I got his email, I watched a few episodes of "Over There". It was actually a good show. Most of the things in the show I thought I didn't really have to worry about "those kind of things were happening right when we got over there, not now, it isn't that bad now" I thought to myself. Well, I think I am wrong. I know I am naive. I always have been naive about everything and I always get shocked when I find out the world isn't as safe as I thought it was. Danny decided he wants to reenlist, he is going to sign up for 5 more years. Which means he will most likely get deployed again. It is going to be harder for me then because we will be married, living in Texas, away from our families. So when he is gone I will really be alone. I was thinking about that earlier. I can not imagine how much harder it is for the women who just got married and are really alone. My heart breaks for those women. But if that is the way military life is going to be then I wouldn't have it any other way because I am head over heels in love with a soldier and I will be for the rest of my life.

2006-01-11T22:39:00.000-06:00

This is us. I love him so much!!!

2006-01-09T02:36:00.000-06:00

Well my New Years was not that bad the whole night was pretty much spent with friends. The part that really sucked was midnight. That was when my friends all turned to their boyfriends and started kissing. It sucked. I left the room, but I couldn't go far. It seemed like I was the only one that when alone. Eventually the kissing stopped and I got a little more comfortable but thoughts of Danny were still in my mind. A couple of days after New Years I received and email from him saying that the place where he is really is not as safe as he thought it was. He told me there is a cement covered hole in the wall of his room where a bomb went in but didn't go off. Even though he told me that the bomb thing happened way before he got there, it still made my heart drop into my stomach. I also found out that the tank in front of him got hit with an IED the other day. No one was hurt (thank God) but this also made my heart sink. I was so happy to think he was in a safe area. I knew no place was really safe but this doesn't sound safe at all. I am really starting to miss talking to him too. Even though he was stationed in Texas and I lived in Missouri, I got to talk to him every night. We did not go one night without talking to each other. We talked for hours. About the future and how we can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together, or about how excited we are to be seeing each other soon (I usually got to see him once a month). But even not being able to see him except once a month wasn't hard because I could talk to him. Talking to him made him seem so close. Now I can't and it kills me. I don't really sleep well anymore. I think it is because when he was in Texas we talked until we started falling asleep. Now I sit in my room by myself with no one to talk to. I get so lonely. I hope I will eventually get used to being completely alone at night and start sleeping better. I am also hoping that with my next semester of school starting in week I will be kept busy. So busy that I don't have time to dwell on Danny being gone. I hope. As for now, every day is a new one and I am trying to make it count.

2005-12-30T20:09:00.000-06:00

I have gotten a couple calls from Danny. Apparently he is at a nice base. He said the food is really good. He also told me that he is in a very safe area (thank God). Then I didn't hear from him for a while. He usually emails me at least once every 3 to 4 days. Then he called me on Christmas Eve and told me they had a commo black out which means that someone was killed and so they shut down all forms of communication. That scared me. I was at work when he called me but it was so slow I was able to sit in an office and talk to him. Then I started crying when I got off the phone with him, and my friends from work came in the office and told me to start thinking of my wedding which naturally made me smile. I am so excited about it. This made me realize that even though my friends don't understand at all, they can still help me to stop crying. Something else that I noticed is that Danny and I will be talking and he will start to say something then he says umm nevermind I can't talk about it. It annoys me sometimes because I want to know. I understand though. For example, he told me in an email that his Christmas sucked but he couldn't tell me why. I also finally got his address. Now I can send him things. Like the 3rd and 6th seasons of South Park (I will never understand men). I also know of three churches that are going to send him care packages. I think he is going to be popular with the men over there if he decides to share.
As far as how I am doing with his deployment, well some days are easier than others. Everyday I sign on line and wait for my little yahoo thing to pop up and say you have one new message. When it doesn't I get disappointed. When it does, I get a smile on my face and when it is from him that smile gets even bigger, but when it isn't him I get annoyed with whoever it is from because they just got my hopes up for nothing. Sometimes I get really lonely though. And I will start getting teary eyed for what seems like ridiculous reasons. Like the other day at work this girl would not stop talking about her and her boyfriend and then he came and picked her up from work for lunch. That made me sad. Whenever Danny came up to Missouri to see me he would pick me up from work and take me to lunch. Then I started thinking about that more and more and I got upset. I know in my head not to dwell on things like that but I can't help it. Another instance was the other day Danny called me and I missed his call. I had my phone in my hand when it went to the answering machine. I was actually at my orchestra's Christmas party. I was hoping it wasn't him but I listened to my voicemail and found out it was. I got very upset. But I made myself not cry because I realized that would make everyone feel awkward. I immediately called his parents' house though hoping he called them and I could tell them to have him call me. But they weren't home. In the next email I wrote him I told him to call back anytime I don't answer the first time. I am not doing so bad though. I am staying away from romantic movies and situations where there will be a lot of couples.

2005-12-16T23:02:00.000-06:00

He has been gone for ten days now and some things are just now starting to sink in. He's my best friend and I miss being able to talk to him about anything and everything. I don't really have someone to talk to here. When I get sad and miss him a lot I don't know who to talk to. My family and friends really don't understand. They know why I am sad but their standing is pretty much that my situation sucks and they would hate to be in it. I really do fine usually but everyday I see something that reminds me of him and makes me sad. The other day my friends took me out to Wild Country. I thought it would be good to get out and I figured I wouldn't get upset because how much guy and girl dancing is there if it is line dancing? Well, the minute I got there they did like 3 or 4 slow songs. I ended up crying. I saw these happy couples together and it made me miss him so much. Am I always going to feel like this? I know I will always miss him, but will I always be this emotional to where I hate watching romantic movies and seeing couples together upsets me?

2005-12-08T16:46:00.000-06:00

I guess my first post should be the story of Danny (my fiance) and I. Well I have known him my whole life. Literally since I was a baby, we actually have a video of my third his fifth birthday party at Chuckie Cheese. Anyway, my dad and his dad are best friends and my dad always used to say, "I would not mind if one of you girls (meaning me or one of my three sisters) married one of those boys." Well to everyone's shock 15 months ago Danny and I got together. And then just three months ago he asked me to marry him and three days ago he left for Iraq. A while before he left I found other women's blog sites about their men being deployed and I thought it was cool how everyone supported one another. We can all relate to each other.

Right now I am trying to get through finals week at my college which is even harder considering he just left. I am so distracted. Last night I slept with my cell phone in my hand because he said he would try to call me from Ireland. Well he never did and I understand but it still sucks. I have no idea where he is right now though and I wish I did. Even before he left I only got to see him about once a month because he was stationed in Texas and his family and I live in Missouri but he called me every night and usually all day long we would text message each other while he was at work and I was in school. So now I email him when I have time but I don't think he can check his email yet. I really have no idea at all what he can and can't do right now.