My paper

Well, everyone has been in the dumps lately so I am here to say CHEER UP!!!! Our guys are coming home sooner than any of us could think. Time may seem like it is moving slowly now but compare it to how fast this year has gone. WE CAN DO THIS LADIES!!!!
I have been incredibly busy as usual. I have a sociology exam tomorrow, a chemistry exam on Saturday, and my first paper is due in my english class on Tuesday. This paper is very very special to me, I have worked really hard on it and I am proud of it. We had to do a personal narrative and I had no idea what to do mine about. I had ideas but nothing I felt I could work with. When one day my friend Julie, suggested I do mine on the day Danny left for Iraq. Now, at first I thought well that would be boring because he was in Texas when he left and I was here in Missouri, (I wanted to go say goodbye but he said not to go down there because it would be too hard, believe me I didn't chose to be away for that day). Anyway, then I thought I could do it on the day he left to go BACK to Iraq. So here it is in it's entirety....

The two weeks that I spent with my fiancé were wonderful, filled with Cardinal’s games, St. Louis Symphony concerts, trips to the zoo and countless family dinners. Throughout these fun times however, a constant sorrow lingered inside me, pulling at my heart, reminding me that Danny’s time home was not permanent. I could sense that the end was coming, creeping closer and closer. Clocks mocked me, constantly reminding me that my time with him was coming to an end and that he would soon be leaving me again. Until finally, the day that I dreaded the most had reached me. Danny had to return to Iraq.
The day he left I didn’t leave his house until two o’clock in the morning. Though my heart screamed at me to stay longer, my head knew we both needed rest. I was going to return to his house at five so we could talk and spend more time together before leaving for Lambert Airport with his parents at six. I went home, fell into my big, pine bed, snuggled into my navy blue comforter, and shut my eyes. After a few hours of sleep, I slipped into my favorite pair of blue jeans and a comfy orange shirt. I threw my hair into a pony tail, too tired to style it, and left for Danny’s house. The whole way there I tried to fight the thoughts that this would be the last time I was going to see him for seven more months.
When I arrived, Danny was sleeping on the couch. As I saw him lay there in his uniform of tans and browns, tears came to my eyes. I realized that he was really leaving. I couldn’t deny it. I could no longer pretend that he would stay with me forever. Not wanting to wake him, I sat on the couch and watched him sleep. He was so peaceful. It was hard to think that the peace that he had at that moment was not going to return to him for seven months. As I ran my hands through his short, light brown, Army regulation hair, I started to quietly weep. I then looked at the clock, which to me had become the ultimate depiction of evil, and realized it was time to go. I wiped off my tears, took a deep breath, leaned over and kissed him. “Danny, it is time to get up,” I whispered into his ear. He opened his blue eyes and smiled at me. I am going to miss that smile so much, I thought to myself. He then got up and started to get the rest of his uniform together. Watching him lace up his tan boots and put on his camouflage blouse brought both pride and sorrow to my heart. I felt so proud to be the fiancée of a soldier serving our country, but I was sorry to see him get ready to go. Once he was fully dressed he grabbed his tall cylinder shaped draw string bag, which was once dark green, but now much lighter due to the dirt and dust that covered it. His parents and I grabbed the other bags and we all headed toward the door.
Danny and I fell asleep on the way to the airport. It was so comforting to sleep on his shoulders one last time. The ride to the airport was certainly easier because I wasn’t awake to watch the signs on the highway, telling me that I am getting closer and closer to the place where I must actually let him go. When we finally arrived at the airport, Danny and I slowly and sadly stepped out of the car.
We entered the airport and walked through the empty silent terminals to the stairs leading to the baggage check-in. The airport seemed so lifeless. The cold, hard tiles and dim lights made it feel like such a heartless place, which in my mind, it truly was. This place would be taking my fiancé away from me.
After checking in his bags, we walked to his departing gate. We had about twenty minutes before he needed to leave. I kept putting off saying goodbye. Instead I just held his hard, callused hand, and walked around with him. We looked at the shops around the terminal and talked. We talked about what we had done those past two weeks, how well we slept, and how tired we both were. Then it came time to say goodbye. He gave his mom and dad a hug. His dad kept a smile on his face as his mom was trying to hide her tears. “Be careful Son. We will pray for you every night. We love you.” “I will,” he replied. Now it was my turn. We kissed and then held each other in an embrace that seemed to last forever but still ended too soon. “Be careful Danny. Use your head, and come home soon. I love you very much, and I am going to miss you even more,” I said while fighting tears. He held onto me, looked me in the eyes, and said, “I want you to take care of yourself. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I am always careful. I love you too honey and I think about you all the time.” I could hardly see due to the burning tears in my eyes, but I managed to hold them in. I didn’t want Danny to see me cry.
He walked through the roped off lines and into the security check-in. I stood at the gate, surrounded by others but still I felt completely alone. I watched him as he placed his bags in bins and unlaced his heavy boots to be checked by security. He was told he could proceed, and I continued to watch him as he walked through his gate. When he was finally out of sight, I turned to his parents, with tears rolling down my face, and let out a deep sigh. They gave me a hug and we all walked back to the car.
Danny is still in Iraq but he is coming home in a few months. This whole experience has made me realize that I am stronger than I thought I was or could be. This deployment is almost over and I have continued to battle my enemies of loneliness and depression. Danny’s absence does upset me, but I do not dwell on it. Rather than sit in sorrow or self pity I have chosen to keep my mind occupied with school and work. I believe that you can either let circumstances get you down or you can choose to rise above them. I chose to rise above them.

Blah

I'm grumpy today. I hate being grumpy. I think it is because I am so stressed lately. I am working so much and going to school everyday. It is wearing on me. I still don't have my laptop back. I'm going to call them tomorrow. And I have to make an appointment to shadow a nurse for four hours as a part of one of my classes but I also have to go get a tuburculin test first (a shot eww). And Danny was going to call me today because it was his day off, but they had another blackout so he couldn't. I think they time those things so he can't talk to me. It's a conspiracy. And a pipe broke in the basement where my room is, so now nasty old water got on my carpet and my floor smells. EWW!!! I have a fan, dehumidifier and candles to get the smell and dampness out. And somebody, (we don't know who) ate quite a few of the chocolates that Danny sent me. I was pretty mad about that too. I am just sooo stressed. I really wanted to talk to Danny too. He always makes me feel better. And he appreciates how much work I do. I am never home. Between classes Mon-Sat, and working 40 hours a week. I say I am stressed and my mom (the ultimate over acheiver) says that I just need to manage my time better. WHAT!!! Danny understands. Gosh I miss him. He makes me feel like I shouldn't have a care in the world. He is the best listener. My best friend. I always miss him most when I am stressed or upset. He is the ultimate comforter for me. Missing him most in those times really doesn't help either, because I am usually already pretty upset. Add to all of this allergies, cramps, and a severe headache, and there you have it. My life as of now.
Ok, I feel a little better. Sorry to post and bitch but man, I needed to spill.

Another Special Day

So today was me and Danny's two year anniversary. Once again I find myself wondering where the time has gone. Well I actually hadn't heard from Danny for 4 days and so I figured that they were in a Commo Black Out and I wasn't expecting a phone call today. I had such a hard time convincing myself to stop getting my hopes up. Well I didn't get a phone call and I was disappointed even though in the back of my mind I figured I wouldn't. But I signed online after class and he was on. He said he had waited at the phones for them to lift the black out and when they didn't, he went to his room to check his email and I was on. I was just happy to talk to him. That would have made my day right there. Oh but it gets better. He then told me that he passed his board this morning and he is now Specialist Promotable. My immediate reaction was congratulations but then came the question of what that meant. I was embarrassed to ask but I had no idea. Well with his MOS the points you need to be promoted to sergeant are really ridiculously high right now but he thinks that when he comes home they will be lower. Well that was great news. I had been wanting him to get that promotion forever. I was soo excited. Then I got to work to find 2 dozen roses waiting for me (one for each month we have been together). And I came home to find two more bouquets and a box of chocolates. He went all out. I was so excited. All in all this was a wonderful day. In the two years we have been together, we have spent so much time apart. But I still wouldn't trade a minute of it for the world. I am so happy and proud to be a military fiance. And I can't wait to get the title of military wife.

Special Day

One year ago today was a very special day in my life. It was the day that the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. I can't believe it has been a year already. Man, time flies. Anyway, here is how it happened........

So Danny and I had been talking about getting married for awhile and we went and picked out a ring and now it was just waiting for him to pop the question. The sad thing is that I figured it was coming because we both knew he was leaving for Iraq soon and we didn't know when we would get to see each other next. Anyway, he was back in good ol' Missouri visiting me and his family (mainly me tee hee hee). And he told me one night that he was going to take me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant. Now don't laugh when I tell you my favorite restaurant but it is Olive Garden, I LOVE THAT PLACE. It isn't exactly 5 star dining but I am not an incredibly picky girl. Anyway back to the story. I got all dressed up and cute (my profile pic is the two of us before we left) my mom insisted we get our picture taken before we left which I didn't quite understand at the time but apparently EVERYONE knew what was happening except me. So we went to Olive Garden and after dinner he said, "You know it is a beautiful night, do you want to go for a walk in the park?" I said sure, but in all actuality I was thinking it is kind of cold I am going to die. Anyway, I kind of figured something was up.......I mean I was totally surprised :). So we went to the park but before we got out of the car we kissed and I felt him reach into the side compartment of the car for something, at this point I was pretty sure what was coming. Well anyway we walked through the park and I kept seeing all these perfect spots for him to propose, but we kept walking. We walked to the end of the park and turned around. I was thinking is he playing with my mind or what???? All of a sudden he starts scratching his legs badly (earlier in the week during PT, all the guys got bitten by fire ants). He was scratching like crazy. I asked if he was ok and he said yeah these fire ant bites are getting to me can we sit down? I said sure. So we sit in a nearby bench and he keeps scratching behind his legs and turned it into a way to smoothly and discretely turn and kneel. I was so excited!!! He then gave the most beautiful speech in the world about how he wants to take care of me and grow old with me. Then he ended with Courtney ***********, will you marry me?? Of course I said yes, he put the ring on my finger (perfect fit) and we hugged in the park for about 5 minutes.
After that we walked back to the car and he called his dad to tell him we were coming over. Right when we walked in the door, his dad run up to me and kissed me on the cheek and gave me the biggest hug ever (I love his dad). His mom told us congratulations (his dad is way more enthusiastic) we opened a glass of champaigne and had a toast. We stayed over for awhile then had to make our rounds to my house to be greeted and congratulated by my family (it was so late by then, that they were all barely awake). Then we made it to my friends apartment where the whole gang assembled to congratulate us. Like I said EVERYONE knew.
All in all it truly was the greatest night of my life. I can not wait to marry him. We have about 9 months to go til we say I DO. And I am more anxious than ever.


Other quick news, I am sorry the pictures of my dress were taken down. I have no idea what happened. Yahoo photos changed their stuff. And once again I have been super busy with school and work. I really have been working a lot. I have been pretty stressed lately but I need money and school is a must so I deal. I can't wait to get married and move to Texas.
You WILL be hearing from me on Wednesday because I have another special occasion. I know what your thinking *Whatever could it be???* Well you will see.