My heart is in Iraq

This site is meant for the women of different military men to support each other through deployments and everyday military life.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Rosco


I GOT A PUPPY. His name is Rosco and he is the cutest boxer in the whole wide world. I have been going on no sleep lately because I have been getting up every few hours to take the dog out. He is such a good puppy. He will be the best guard dog ever. Anyway, news from the front is that Danny is the gunner on the CO's humvee now. And he finally got a better internet service so let the emailing resume. I can't wait. I was getting sick of going 7-9 days between any form of contact.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Finally

I am feeling better. Still not 100% but certainly not as scared as I was. Anyway, like I said before I won't go into it. Thank you guys for all the prayers. Danny called me on Sunday. He hadn't had time until then because he has been doing 2 missions a day and they are all lasting hours longer than they are supposed to. My poor baby. He works so hard, my heart breaks for him. Sunday was his first day off. Tomorrow I am going to send him a package. I have been letting my family know that I am taking phone card donations because those suckers are expensive. 700 minutes costs $45 and 600 is $30? Good grief. But what can ya do? I buy them anyway. Oh my goodness. I went shopping today and spent a butt load of money. I keep convincing myself that most of the expense was the stuff I am putting in Danny's box, but part of me knows better. But get this, I bought my new swimsuit for $8. I know what you are thinking......awesome. It was clearanced. I was so excited. Target.. I love the fact that they rotate out swimsuits so much. I almost bought one of those big floppy straw hats, man it looked cute on me, but I realized I didn't know when I would wear it. I kind of wish I had gotten it though. See, that just proves that my shopping weakness is improving with age. I only buy things that I know I will wear for something. So now I am trying hard to think of something to wear that hat to so I can go buy it. LOL. Unfortunately I don't go to the pool so that's out. If you have suggestions, let me know. I want an excuse to buy it. Well it is late/early. I am going to bed. Thank you ladies for all your enduring prayers and support. I love you gals.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Going crazy....

This is the 8th day since I have heard from Danny. I am going crazy. I have never had to wait this long. My little sister said she saw that he was online yesterday as she was running out of the house so I thought surely I would get an email. I thought wrong. Aside from that I stopped in to ask that you guys pray for me. We won't go into what happened but pray that justice gets served to the fullest extent and that I have peace of mind. I would also like to say I probably won't be posting much for a little while. And I apologize for my lack of comments on other peoples' blogs lately. I will get back into the swing of things eventually.... I hope.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

100 things

Before I start my 100 things about myself that I have been asked to write by the other Courtney, I would like to say thanks. Thank you girls for being there when I need you. I was having a rough week and I didn't know how to feel about things. You ladies are amazing. I don't know what I would do without you. To be honest sometimes when I am sad about Danny I don't feel like talking about it to other people because I think that they are thinking that Danny is the only thing I think about or they think I am just whining. But here I don't feel that way at all. You guys understand that it isn't just whining. So thank you. Other than that school is out. YAY!!!! Now I have to work my butt off over the summer to buy a new car and a new viola which will be about $5,000 yikes. And as far as Danny goes, well, I haven't heard from him in 4 days so that really sucks. Every free second I have, I run to a computer and see if I have a new email and I am always disappointed. I hope to get an email soon but we'll see. :(
Now onto my 100 facts:

1. My name is Courtney Marie *********** (yes I have a ridiculously long last name)
2. I LOVE DANIEL JAMES ******* (thank God my last name will get that short)
3. I have known Danny since he was 2 and I was a baby
4. I have 3 sisters, 2 older 1 younger (yes, my dad is lucky)
5. I have been playing the viola for 9 years
6. I love my future in laws
7. I love my parents very much
8. I am a daddy's girl
9. I have never moved
10.I will eat just about anything
11.I love music of all kinds
12.I will talk to just about anyone
13.I have my belly button pierced
14.I have never dyed my hair
15.I have 1 dog as of now, a yorkshire terrior
16.I am scared of fish in lakes because I can't see them
17.I do not manage my time wisely
18.I am blond at heart
19.I love military stuff
20.I am very proud of Danny
21.I am very very sensitive
22.I cry at the drop of a hat
23.I hate that I cry so much
24.Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is my favorite composer
25.I am very much a music nerd
26.I hate my hair
27.I liked Danny since high school but the feeling wasn't mutual (he thought was annoying)
28.I was LOL
29.I sure hooked him
30.Danny won't get out of the Army til 2012 (if he doesn't re-enlist again that is)
31.I will be moving to Texas next summer
32.I have never been that far from my parents for an extended period
33.Crap this is hard
34.I am very self conscious
35.I love Cinna-bon
36.I want to have 3-5 kids someday
37.Gerber Daisies are my favorite flowers
38.I don't have a favorite color
39.I have brown hair
40.I love shoes
41.I buy more new underwear than anyone needs
43.I scrapbook, embroider, sew, quilt, stamp, make jewelry, decoupage, paint, etc.
44.I love musicals
45.I will be shocked if anyone reads, remembers, or comments about any of this
46.I can't wait to marry the most wonderful man in the world
47.I will on June 16,2007
48.I do not like school
49.I am ridiculously unathletic
50.I am now halfway LOL
51.I drive a Ford Ranger
52.I wish I was driving a Ferrari
53.My birthday is February 28, 1987
54.I can touch my tongue to my nose
55.I can wiggle my ears
56.I am a sucker for sales pitches
57.I love giving people presents
58.My favorite animal is a polar bear
59.I like the summer more than the winter
60.I make really good chocolate chip cookies
61.My favorite movie is Steel Magnolias
62.The only bone I have ever broken was my pinky toe
63.I love to do nothing
64.I hate making decisions
65.My favorite kind of food is Italian
66.I love ice cream
67.I love to sleep
68.I wish I was sleeping right now
69.I miss Danny
70.I get stressed easily
71.I like to have things planned out
72.I love the movie Father of the Bride
73.I am not a patient person
74.I am directionally impaired
75.I can't wait til December
76.I am very easily amused
77.I am having a hard time with this
78.I am getting very sleepy
79.It is 2 AM
80.I love Macaroni and Cheese
81.Sweets are my weakness
82.I am very very clumsy
83.I love my sisters
84.My younger sister is my maid of honor
85.I love history
86.I like to sing
87.I dance around the house all the time
88.Danny is my best friend
89.I love fashion
90.I wish I could afford the fashion that I love
91.Flowers make me smile
92.I don't know anything about cars
93.Danny makes me smile more than flowers
94.I hate going to work
95.I wish I was a bazillionaire
96.Yes, that is a number
97.I love dogs
98.I love kids
99.I love to be loved
100.One last thing about me, I AM GLAD TO BE DONE WITH THIS.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I have been having a crappy couple of days. My finals are all this week and I had a jury this morning which means I play in front of all the music teachers and they judge me and give me a grade for the semester based on a couple of songs and scales that they pick. Well let's just say I tanked. I mean it was horrible. My scales were bad at least. I didn't even play the right amount of notes. Then I thought the piece went ok but appearantly not. They told me to put more emotion into it. I HATE THAT SONG! And I hate it even more because my teachers made me feel like I suck at it.
On top of all of this, I am having a really hard time adjusting to Danny being gone all over again. I hate waiting for emails, not being able to hear his voice, praying he is online when I am signing on so we can IM each other. And it is hard not to think about him because I work with this girl who's reserve Marine fiance just left for California to do training to go to Iraq and she is constantly saying, "I miss Tim, I miss Tim." She was just text messaging him and he calls her everyday. I mean I feel for her that he is gone, but really. She makes me so mad. I am sitting there trying not to think about my situation and she doesn't stop talking about Iraq. Her fiance is only going to be there for a couple of months, I try to tell her that she should realize she is luckier than some, but that doesn't sink in for her. I guess this makes me a b%*@! for not sympathizing for her situation but I just can't bring myself to feel sorry for her that her fiance is in CALIFORNIA! And she gets to talk to him all the time. But oh wait there's more....
I also just found out from my friend of 5 years, that he doesn't want to talk. That really upset me. I won't even get into the reasons why.
I guess I sound like a conceited little brat right now but this is just how I am feeling. I miss Danny so much. I am an emotional wreck. I think people can tell that I am depressed too. People ask me how I am doing and I grunt an answer and they say something like you miss him don't you, and I break down crying. The other day a girl from my orchestra kissed her boyfriend who came to see the concert and that brought me to tears. This is almost worse than when he first left. I am once again in this zombie state where I only smile if something funny happens, I don't talk much, and I just sit there. Like a constant daydream. Just zoning out. I feel a little better just writing all of this. Well I have one question, does that make me a you know what for not feeling sorry for her like everyone else does? Anyway I have to go write 2 commentary papers, a 5 page research paper and study for my final tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006




Well I am back and I have mixed feelings about it. I am sad to be in this situation again but I did miss you guys. Anyway spending two weeks with Danny was amazing. It realized very quickly just how much I missed him and how much I love spending time with him. We had so much fun. We went to the zoo, the symphony, a Cardinal's game at the brand new stadium, and we attended many family dinners and functions. It was exhausting but at the end of every night we cuddled on the couch watching movies. I always left his house at 2 or 3 AM which really sucked because I had school the next day but I didn't care. We also reserved the church while he was home. We sat with the pastor and told him that marriage counciling would be difficult since he is in Iraq but they are going to work with us. Anyway he left Sunday morning. I didn't leave his house until 3AM and I was back at his house at 5:30 AM to spend time with him before leaving to take him to the airport at 6. He looked so good in his uniform. He was tired too. He tried to stay awake all night so that he could sleep through the flights because he didn't want to think about home which would be hard for him because he didn't have anyone to talk to. What is funny is that I contained myself at the airport. I DIDN'T CRY. Granted, it wasn't easy but I did it. After that I came home and slept all day. After that I felt like a zombie. I didn't have much feeling. Wasn't happy, sad, I was just living. It was like being in a constant daydream. I went to work on Monday and the girl I worked with was like, "Smile Courtney, come on smile." Finally I told her I don't feel like smiling. And I didn't. But then Danny called me from Kuwait while I was at work and that is when the emotions started coming. I cried the whole phone call but he didn't know and once we got off the phone I lost it. I was bawling. I knew that was going to happen too. I figured everything would hit me when he called from Kuwait. As of now I don't know where he is. I assume he is still in Kuwait because he told me he would call me when he got to Iraq. Anyway for some lighter news.... I bought my wedding dress today. I am so lucky too because it is being discontinued and I could have only ordered it til the end of this month. So as of now I have the reception hall booked, the church, the photographer and the dress. So I am well on my way to a June 16, 2007 wedding. And I can't wait. After these two weeks with Danny I know now more than ever how wonderful he is and just how perfect he is for me.