I have gotten a couple calls from Danny. Apparently he is at a nice base. He said the food is really good. He also told me that he is in a very safe area (thank God). Then I didn't hear from him for a while. He usually emails me at least once every 3 to 4 days. Then he called me on Christmas Eve and told me they had a commo black out which means that someone was killed and so they shut down all forms of communication. That scared me. I was at work when he called me but it was so slow I was able to sit in an office and talk to him. Then I started crying when I got off the phone with him, and my friends from work came in the office and told me to start thinking of my wedding which naturally made me smile. I am so excited about it. This made me realize that even though my friends don't understand at all, they can still help me to stop crying. Something else that I noticed is that Danny and I will be talking and he will start to say something then he says umm nevermind I can't talk about it. It annoys me sometimes because I want to know. I understand though. For example, he told me in an email that his Christmas sucked but he couldn't tell me why. I also finally got his address. Now I can send him things. Like the 3rd and 6th seasons of South Park (I will never understand men). I also know of three churches that are going to send him care packages. I think he is going to be popular with the men over there if he decides to share.
As far as how I am doing with his deployment, well some days are easier than others. Everyday I sign on line and wait for my little yahoo thing to pop up and say you have one new message. When it doesn't I get disappointed. When it does, I get a smile on my face and when it is from him that smile gets even bigger, but when it isn't him I get annoyed with whoever it is from because they just got my hopes up for nothing. Sometimes I get really lonely though. And I will start getting teary eyed for what seems like ridiculous reasons. Like the other day at work this girl would not stop talking about her and her boyfriend and then he came and picked her up from work for lunch. That made me sad. Whenever Danny came up to Missouri to see me he would pick me up from work and take me to lunch. Then I started thinking about that more and more and I got upset. I know in my head not to dwell on things like that but I can't help it. Another instance was the other day Danny called me and I missed his call. I had my phone in my hand when it went to the answering machine. I was actually at my orchestra's Christmas party. I was hoping it wasn't him but I listened to my voicemail and found out it was. I got very upset. But I made myself not cry because I realized that would make everyone feel awkward. I immediately called his parents' house though hoping he called them and I could tell them to have him call me. But they weren't home. In the next email I wrote him I told him to call back anytime I don't answer the first time. I am not doing so bad though. I am staying away from romantic movies and situations where there will be a lot of couples.

He has been gone for ten days now and some things are just now starting to sink in. He's my best friend and I miss being able to talk to him about anything and everything. I don't really have someone to talk to here. When I get sad and miss him a lot I don't know who to talk to. My family and friends really don't understand. They know why I am sad but their standing is pretty much that my situation sucks and they would hate to be in it. I really do fine usually but everyday I see something that reminds me of him and makes me sad. The other day my friends took me out to Wild Country. I thought it would be good to get out and I figured I wouldn't get upset because how much guy and girl dancing is there if it is line dancing? Well, the minute I got there they did like 3 or 4 slow songs. I ended up crying. I saw these happy couples together and it made me miss him so much. Am I always going to feel like this? I know I will always miss him, but will I always be this emotional to where I hate watching romantic movies and seeing couples together upsets me?

I guess my first post should be the story of Danny (my fiance) and I. Well I have known him my whole life. Literally since I was a baby, we actually have a video of my third his fifth birthday party at Chuckie Cheese. Anyway, my dad and his dad are best friends and my dad always used to say, "I would not mind if one of you girls (meaning me or one of my three sisters) married one of those boys." Well to everyone's shock 15 months ago Danny and I got together. And then just three months ago he asked me to marry him and three days ago he left for Iraq. A while before he left I found other women's blog sites about their men being deployed and I thought it was cool how everyone supported one another. We can all relate to each other.

Right now I am trying to get through finals week at my college which is even harder considering he just left. I am so distracted. Last night I slept with my cell phone in my hand because he said he would try to call me from Ireland. Well he never did and I understand but it still sucks. I have no idea where he is right now though and I wish I did. Even before he left I only got to see him about once a month because he was stationed in Texas and his family and I live in Missouri but he called me every night and usually all day long we would text message each other while he was at work and I was in school. So now I email him when I have time but I don't think he can check his email yet. I really have no idea at all what he can and can't do right now.